I apologize

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I have been absent for a while and for that I sincerely apologize. I have had an interesting time. I have been in a flare, we went on a weekend getaway, we have had MANY doctors’ appointments, I have been in a FLARE, my meds have changed, I was off my meds for a few months. Life just got interesting and I couldn’t keep up.

Thanks to insurance, I could no longer afford my wonderful RA medication, so I had to stop taking it. It was months before my appointment with my rheumatologist, so I was without meds for that time. We changed over to a new med and I had to give it time to kick in and while it works, it does not work as well as the other one did, nor did it last as long (it is an infusion). So, I just had another appointment with my rheumy and she made adjustments to the medication, and we will see how that goes. We also changed over my pain medication so hopefully I will get better relief. In the meantime, I just keep going. You all know who it goes. We see this every day. At least now I have a little hope.

Our weekend getaway, we have a timeshare that we go to every other year and this year we purchased a weekend getaway in our off year. To say it was a disappointment is an understatement. The hot tub, which is our main entertainment was a huge disappointment, the show we wanted to see was sold out and there was a horrible storm while we were there. AND, I was in a bad flare. The good part was that our suite was very nice. We were happy with that. So, it wasn’t a complete loss. We didn’t get to explore, but we did get to spend a lot of time together. That made the weekend worth it. The hot tub did end up being a funny story so there is that. Haha.

I hope you are ready for Christmas! We are. I put the tree up toward the beginning of November. Haha. I just needed some cheer. It took me a week to get it up and decorated but by golly I did it. I didn’t put out the rest of the decorations, just the tree. I am waiting for a delivery today to wrap those gifts, and our Christmas will be completely ready. We don’t do much now that the grandkids are older, but they enjoy the little bit that we do. I know that my husband will enjoy his gift this year from me and the kids. I got to pick out my gifts this year, so I am very pleased with mine.

I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday.

Love and Peace to you All.

Better…

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I feel better today, emotionally. Thank you to all who sent messages.

I woke around 1:15 a.m. wboth a really bad migraine and. Not a great start to the day. I am still dealing with that but it isn’t as bad as it first was. I can tell it is getting worse so I will take more meds to try to get a handle on it. There, that is done.

That is all that will be done today. Between the migraine and the RA. My joints are swollen and sore, warm to the touch. It seems as if writing this message is taking forever.

I am looking toward the future again but I am seeing some hope; a glimmer to grasp on to. I hope you do too.

God be with you everyday.

#RA, #fighting, #nevergiveup, #migraine, #migraines, #hope

Future?

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The last few days I have been down off my feet with migraines. I thought we had for the most part figured them out with Botox but either the Botox is wearing off faster or it is failing. They are beginning to come daily again. I am sitting here fighting one off as I type.

Between the migraines and the RA and the Fibro I have begun to look towards the future. And what it means for me. I am trying so hard to be optimistic and think that there will be an affordable option in the future that will tame these diseases so that I can have a future TO look forward to. Right now, though I am deep in the negative side and feel so depressed.

My family and friends do not know of the depths this has gone to, and I hope they never will. They do not understand that I am in constant pain every second of the day. I had a friend tell me this morning on the phone that I looked better than ever Sunday at church. I had to tell her it was actually a bad day. I have become quite skilled at masking the pain. I know they are tired of hearing that I hurt so I stopped telling them. I push through and end up hurting worse than ever but again, they do not know. I will not tell them; they are tired of hearing it anyway.

Please tell me how you get through these days of intense pain and depression. What lifts your spirits? How do you overcome?

I used too many spoons

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This is typical of me, I have to truthfully say. I am like most of us. When I have a day that I feel decent, I overdo it. It is like I have to make up for all the times I am not abl to do the things I used to do so easily, things that are either difficult or impossible now.

All I did is go on a motorcycle ride for a few hours. That was all it took. I wasn’t even the driver, just a passenger. I thoroughly enjoyed the ride, I have to admit. I feel my best when I am on the bike with my husband. I find a peace then that I do not have any other time in my life. That is my time to really connect with God. This is my time to release all concerns to Him.

I fight with feeling a deep anger for having this disease. I am, I believe, a good person, why was I dealt with this? Then I remember, everything is a lesson, Whether that lesson is for me or for someone else remains to be seen. Maybe this is God’s way of teaching me patience, something I am not know for. I don’t know I was given this cross to bear, but I will bear it to the best of my ability.

I fought hard to find a diagnosis for everything that was going on with me. It took a few doctors and a lot of persistence, but I was finally given answers as to what was taking me down. Whatever this post today may teach you, let it be to never give up. Maybe your life is a lesson to someone else, or maybe it is something you need to learn yourself. Whichever, DON’T GIVE UP! You are loved and wanted.

How long did it take you to get your diagnosis?

#RA, #fibromyalgia, #RAstrong, #chronicpain, #nevergiveup, #youarewanted

A New Beginning

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I am back. My spoons ran out for a while and life just got busy, so I was absent. I am led to write my story, whether anyone wants to read it or not is to be seen. I believe that someone, somewhere will be able to connect to my story.

I am the survivor of physical, mental and sexual abuse. I had a rough childhood, but not as bad as others have had it, but enough to have messed me up. I am still in counseling about some of it. Did I mention I was 56 years old? I will get into more into all of that later.

I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia along with chronic migraines. So there is always something interesting going on with me physically.

I will also give my views of some of the focal chatter from the news. Read it or not, that is up to you. I just want to be real and open here.

I will also try to sell bracelets that I have made. They are affordable for everyone.

Thank you for reading this much. If you want, drop a comment and let me know you were here.